


"It's gone."

by bahnhofsblumen



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: After the episode I was basically like "guys I don't feel so good", Angst, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Better, Magnus Bane-centric, NO DEATH, Spoilers, catarina is my saviour, coda: 3x10 erchomai, episode: 3x10 Erchomai, magnus bane defence squad, they'll be fine, wow this hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 09:12:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bahnhofsblumen/pseuds/bahnhofsblumen
Summary: Coda for shadowhunters 3x10: Erchomai and That Scene™





	"It's gone."

_“Stay with me.”_

There was an arrow stuck in Alec's chest and Magnus was panicking. If Alexander died today, it would feel like it was his fault. Because he couldn't heal him. Because his magic was gone. _He couldn't help._

_“Mom said you'd make a dramatic entrance.”_

Magnus was trying to smile. He really was. It was so _Alec_ to make a joke in a situation like this. _And he couldn't help him._

_“Wise woman.”_

His voice sounded weak even in his own ears. Weak. Like him.

Alec would frown if he could hear that thought. He'd disagree and tell him that he's the strongest person he knows. Maybe Magnus would even believe it out of his boyfriend's mouth.

Magnus basically switched to autopilot when he talked to Jace and he barely registered that Jace was running after Clary again without even as much as a _'thank you'_ to him.

_His magic was gone._

“Alec. I'm gonna call Catarina. You'll be fine, I promise.”

Alec coughed, looking up at Magnus.

“I love you, Magnus. I really do.”

A tear escaped his eye and he didn't bother wiping it away as he reached into his pocket for his phone.

“Cat? Did you feel where that wave of magic just hit?

Yes.

I need you to portal there _right now._

I will explain, just please come here, I _need_ your help.”

He slipped his phone back into his pocket, reaching for Alec's hand again.

“She'll fix you. She will heal your chest and your wrist and you will be fine in no time.”

She will heal him. Because Magnus can't. _He can't help._

A portal was opening next to them in the alley and Catarina walked out, her eyes finding Magnus kneeling next to Alec on the ground.

She ran over to them, immediately starting to wrap her magic around Alec after a quick examining look.

“What the _hell_ did you all get into now? What happened to Alec?”

“Jace tried to kill him when I arrived. Well, not Jace, the owl. I got here just in time. You need to fix him. Please, Cat. _Please._ ”

She furrowed her brows but didn't ask any questions for now. They could talk later.

“Alec? I need to pull the arrow out to close your wound up. Don't be surprised, okay? You'll be fine. The wound is not too deep.”

She took a deep breath, her right hand glowing with her magic, ready to heal, her left hand gripping the arrow still stuck in his boyfriend's chest. _And he couldn't help._

In one quick movement she pulled the arrow out of his chest and threw it behind her, immediately working on the wound. Magnus could see flesh being knit together again, accompanied by agonizing groans coming from Alec's throat. He almost couldn't bear to listen.

When the wound was closed for the moment, Cat looked at him again.

“We need to get him to somewhere safe, somewhere he can rest and I can heal him properly.”

He nodded weakly. “You can portal us to my loft.”

Magnus couldn't. He couldn't heal Alec or portal them anywhere. _He couldn't help._

Magnus slid his arms under his boyfriend's body, carefully lifting him up to carry him through the portal Cat had created next to them.

“Put him down on the couch or do you prefer to have him on your bed? So you can rest together?”

“Bedroom. I don't want to be away from him.”

Her gaze turned soft and they walked into the bedroom together, Magnus gently putting Alec down on their bed.

He stepped away to let Catarina work on Alec's injuries. After all wounds were closed and all his bones were back where they belonged, she covered his chest and wrist with a magical salve she had summoned from her home.  
Alec had passed out right after Cat had pulled his arrow out. How ironic that he had almost been killed with one of his own arrowheads, when he was so afraid of exactly that one day ending up in Magnus's box. _And he hadn't been able to help Alec._

“Magnus, what happened in Edom?”

The question was hanging in the air around them, heavy and painful.

“He wanted me to stay and rule Edom beside him in exchange for helping with Lilith's hold on Jace. I refused.”

There was a pause before Magnus continued.

“He took my magic, Cat. It's gone. I'm not a warlock anymore.”

His voice broke and he felt the tears flowing down his cheeks. He couldn't say how long he had been crying already.

-

She'd told him to rest after comforting him as much as she could.

_'Alec needs you when he wakes up. You'll need each other.'_

She had promised him to come over the next morning, she just needed to drop Madzie off at Dot's place. She'd reassured him that Alec would be fine and that he would be, too.

Logically, Magnus knew that he wasn't just his magic. In his brain, he knew he was more than that. He still couldn't help but feel _empty_. There was a hollowness inside him that he couldn't ignore. There was nothing that would ever fill this void.

He'd laid down next to Alec. His Alexander, who had almost died. Who had suffered and _Magnus had not been able to help him._

He didn't notice the sun rising outside the window, the people of Brooklyn starting their day, oblivious to what had happened right outside their homes during the night.

He only broke out of his thoughts when Alec started to move next to him, slowly waking up.

“Magnus?”

He sat up and turned to face his boyfriend.

“I'm here, love. You're okay. Catarina healed you as best as she could. It's gonna take a while for your chest and wrist to completely heal but they will eventually.”

Alec reached out with his good hand to grip Magnus's wrist.

“Are you okay? What you said to Jace... is it true? He took your magic?”

Tears were rising in Magnus's eyes again, though he tried to blink them away as quickly as he could. Alec had seen it, because of course he had.

“He wanted me to rule Edom with him, Alexander. But I- I couldn't lose you. I asked for a different price. So I gave him what he wanted.”

Alec tried to sit up, too, wincing when he moved his chest too quickly.

“How could you sacrifice yourself like that? For Jace, too? Magnus, you're the most selfless person I have ever met.”

At that, Magnus looked up at Alec.

“It was my fault that Lilith got him in the first place. I _had_ to do this.”

“No, no, Magnus, listen. Listen to me. _None of this was your fault._ This guilt that you take on yourself isn't yours. She would have gotten him anyway. I'd be dead without you, Magnus. You saved me. Don't think that you did anything wrong with Jace and Lilith and this situation.”

Alec was holding his hands as well as he could with his uninjured hand.

“You sacrificed your magic for Jace when he did nothing to you to deserve a sacrifice that big. Don't think that you're anything other than a hero, Magnus.”

There was silence after that and Magnus wiped away the tears on his face.

“Alexander, I love you. I don't want to lie to you, I will probably need a lot of time to get used to this. To being like this. My magic was an integral part of me. I feel so weak and empty without it and there's nothing I can do about it. I couldn't even heal you. _I couldn't help you._ You were just laying there and I couldn't-”

“Hey, hey, but you did help me. You called Cat. And here I am, healing. I'll be okay and that's on you, Magnus. And I will help you, no matter the price. We'll get you your magic back, I don't know how, but we'll get through this together. You and I.”

Magnus smiled, though the smile was sad. _“I love you, Alexander.”_

Alec cupped his face with his hand, wiping away a stray tear on his cheek before leaning in to kiss him.

_“I love you, too, Magnus. Always.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself sad with this lol, kudos and comments are appreciated♥  
> #MagnusBaneDeservesBetter2kForever
> 
> [ Talk to me on tumblr ](https://ifthingsgetcrazy.tumblr.com)


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